To having self-esteem issues.
In an excellent and penetrating interview with Pramit Mohapatra of the Baltimore Sun, Sylvia confesses that to this day he struggles with self-esteem issues. Notable quote:
White also said in the UFC 68 post-fight press conference that you have an "image problem." Do you agree with his assertion?
I have an image problem? What does he mean by that? Explain it to me.
He didn't elaborate on that.
Well, if he can't elaborate, neither can I … I don't know. I always have a self-esteem problem. I was physically and mentally abused as a child, growing up with my mother. So, I think it still sticks with me to this day that I have a problem with that.
This is Sylvia at his most honest and most vulnerable. Fighters, either as part of the fighting culture or because of the heightened sense of masculinity, are forced to never admit weakness, physical or mental. It's frowned upon and viewed as weak.
But there's a difference between the two types. While neither is "acceptable" as an excuse, there is at least the expectation that physical ailments will hamper a fighter from time to time. You can't use it as a crutch for explaining poor performance in a fight (most of the time, anyways), but it has its places. But feelings of insecurity? Low self-esteem? That's for girls and has no place among men, or so that's what we may lead ourselves to believe.
I don't know Tim, but I believe his insecurity is his both his engine for success and the albatross around his neck. The burning desire to prove himself helps him to succeed, but it also gnaws at him, hindering his ability to shake the demons. Unfortunately, this formula cannot last. He says he's happy and I think that's mostly true. But in terms of how he views himself, that won't improve so long as
being #1 or holding the belt is what's required to
feel like #1 or the champion. He cannot place personal self-worth in those goals and expect to be happy. His view of self must come from an internal satisfaction. Proving others wrong is satisfying, but its not the place to rely upon for self-worth.
Whether he becomes champion for a third time or not is irrelevant. Eventually he won't be champ. Eventually he won't be #1. So what will he do then? Will he live with regrets? Will he worry if others still view him negatively? What will he do when he can't use proving others wrong as a way to prove to himself he's great?
We'll find out.